Just me

Today is one week from the Marathon. I'm feeling nervous and excited. I'm anxious to just get there and get to the starting line. I have been tapering on my running and have a few very short runs this week before we get on the plane to NYC on Friday. My training is behind me. Not often, but at times, I feel as if my confidence is hanging on by a thread. Will my training get me to the finish line? I've never done this before. When I get those feelings I have to remind myself that I WILL get there. I put in the time, the training, I'm healthy, loved and supported...and I have to believe that when it comes to "go time", I'll be in the right frame of mind to carry my body and push my legs through the five boroughs of NYC.

Forty seven thousand people will run the NYC Marathon on November 4. All of them have their own reasons and wishes for their race. I am running with Team Ritter. Fifteen of us will put on the shirt with "Team Ritter" in large, purple block letters on the front and put in the 26.2. miles for ourselves and for the John Ritter Foundation. These wonderful, motivated people on Team Ritter are running because they have been touched in some way by aortic disease. My teammates motivate me so much and I do not want to let them down. And I do not want to let the Foundation, or Amy Yasbeck down! All of them have been so friendly and supportive.

But when it comes to that morning, Nov 4, putting in the miles and getting to the finish line, it will come down to just me. I'm the one who has to do it. I'm the one who is going to feel the pain in my legs, hips and knees and wrestle with all the mental tug-of-war during the marathon!! Nobody is going to take over for me when I hit the wall in the Bronx or carry me over the finish line in Central Park.
It's just me.

I am also feeling emotional about what I'm about to do. (Feeling it right now as I type.) I get choked up visualizing myself crossing the finish line. I will be thinking about what I've been through, my kids and my husband. I will be thinking about my family and friends in Michigan, Colorado, Winnipeg and many other places across North America. I will be thinking about everyone who supported me since that day of diagnosis over three years ago. I had so much love, prayers and kindness directed at me and my family during those scary weeks in 2009. And I am still feeling it as the marathon draws near. I'm running for them as much as for myself and I'm running for people I don't know who are facing aortic disease or have lost loved ones to this disease.

My wish for myself is to just breathe and take it all in. This is probably the only time I will run the NYC Marathon...I need to actually enjoy it! I have to remind myself how special and how personal this is for me. I get to do something I only dreamed of doing and I get to do it for the right reasons. I'm not trying to win the thing and I don't have a personal best to beat. I have to tell myself to put away the "numbers" and not focus as much time (although, honestly, I will feel just slightly disappointed if I do not finish in 4:30 or less...ok, putting that out of my mind!!) In my heart I know that I will finish and will feel so overwhelmingly proud and high! And I will remind myself after I finish that I survived aortic disease and open heart surgery and I was able RUN A MARATHON to raise money and awareness for the Ritter Foundation. Life is good, very, very good! Smiling now.

My 41st birthday is Nov 3, the day before the race. Crossing the finish line will be the best birthday gift ever!

A busy few weeks

The Marathon is only 27 days away. I'm nervous and excited about it. I know that I will finish the race. I do want to finish in a respectable time, though! I'm pushing for 4:30. Anything better than that will make me so happy. Anything longer than that, well, I'll be bummed.

A super FUN Race
I finished my first Half Marathon on September 22. The Denver Rock N Roll Half was a blast. I didn't feel like it was "that" long. I loved that there were people out cheering for me and that I was running through downtown Denver, not my usual boring running trail! My favorite part (other than finishing) was at about mile 8. We turned into City Park and I am just chugging along when I see two cute kids in the distance slapping hands with the runners as they go by. Then I see my tall, handsome hubby standing there. Those are my kids!! I up my pace and I run to my kids. I step out of the crowd and hug my family. They are so excited to see me. I say that I need to continue running so I start jogging a bit, getting back into the crowd. My kids are yelling "You can do it, mom!" "I love you, Mom!" Then they start running along the route with me. It was precious. A few women around me say "Awww, they are so cute!" Finally, at the point where they cannot continue running next to me, they stop and yell "Finish strong! and You're almost to the finish line!" How cute to hear that from my kids! I continued at a relatively easy pace throughout the race until I saw the sign that said Mile 12. I felt this surge of energy and strength. I started to weave through the crowd, passing people. There were people stopping at the sides, stretching. People walking, and people who were helping others. I felt so great that I just ran as fast as I could! When I saw the finish line I felt tears come to my eyes. I finished in 2:09, six minutes faster than my goal. What a great day!

The LONG RUNG
The following week, September 29, I had my first 20 mile run planned. It was a perfect day for running. I got to the trail at 7 a.m. It was very chilly that morning, but the forecast indicated bright sun and mid-60s by the time I finished. I started to run and quickly wished that I brought a pair of cheap gloves that morning. My hands were freezing and I could see my breath as I started slowly down the trail. I was surprised that I didn't pass ONE person for about 3 miles. Surprised, and creeped out. I was basically running on a trail in a forest behind some homes. I felt very isolated. Usually there are tons of people out there running. But I quickly realized that most people out there were probably training for the Denver Marathon the week before. The marathon and half marathon had passed and people were probably at home sleeping in. My wear my iPhone on my arm and I always track my runs on an app called Endomondo. After each mile a female voice tells me what mile I just finished and my pace. I felt like it was off a bit. There are mile markers on the trail so I decided to try to follow those.

When I finally hit 10 miles, I turned around and thought "Well, it's all downhill from here." It's not literally downhill, but I felt that I was on the other side of the run and the finish would come sooner than later. After about mile 14 the miles started to get harder. And harder, longer, more difficult. I started to have a conversation in my head. "You got this, Amy. Keep running, just keep running." And then my brain would start with "This sucks, take a break and start walking. How are you going to run 26 miles in NY if you can't run 20." I had this internal struggle for the remainder of the run. It was very hard. The final few miles were brutal. My legs, hips, knees, feet were on fire, heavy and very sore. My mind was racing about my ability to finish the marathon. Instead of feeling happy that I did it, I was very conflicted about things. At home, I practically burst into tears when I saw Marlo. He asked if I finished 20 miles and I said yes. Then he said, "Why are you crying?" And I said, "Because it was so hard. I don't feel like I could have taken one more step. How can I finish 6 more miles if I can barely do 20 miles?!?!?" And Marlo said what he has been saying all along, "If it were easy, everyone would do it." And he just hugged me and I instantly felt better and my confidence started to kick in again. I just ran 20 miles! Six months ago, that seemed so impossible when I was struggling to finish 5 or 10 miles. A long hot shower later and I felt pretty great.

Vacation
Marlo and I had a trip to Napa planned for quite some time. We were to meet up with three couples, friends of his from Canada. I have never been to Napa and I love wine, so I was very excited. Marlo's mom flew in from Winnipeg to stay with the kids for the four days. We are so blessed that she is willing to do this for us. She, and my father-in-law, are also flying back here in November to watch the kids while we go to NYC. Napa was an awesome trip. I will admit that my training lost out to sleeping in, vineyard tours and late night dance parties. I had planned a 14 mile run while in Napa, but the location of our house, high up a narrow, one lane, steep road, made it impossible to do any type of distance running. I would have had to been driven down the mountain to the main road to do my run (excuses, excuses!!). So I decided to do some short hill runs around the house. The hills were very steep and difficult to run, but I managed to get some running in. Overall, I had a blast and met some wonderful new friends. But time to get serious again about the training. I have pledged to not drink until after the marathon.

I am going to do some extra miles this weekend during the long run. I'm hoping to get in 18.

Everyone's entitled to a bad training run, right?

This morning I planned to run 16 miles. It didn't happen. I barely got in 14.

It was really beautiful this morning. A perfect day for running and I was actually excited about it. Almost instantly, I felt bad. Heavy, sore legs and hips. And my feet! My neuroma started hurting almost right away. My breathing felt funny and I could feel my heart beating in my throat a bit. My nose was a faucet and I had to clear my throat often. I was just so off today. I hope I haven't caught my son's cold. And I hope this isn't what it's going to be like from now on. I actually felt pretty good last week during my 15 miler so today's run was a huge disappointment.

My music was even off today. My shuffle played "Come on Feel the Noise" three times in a row! Yes, I have Quiet Riot on my running playlist! It has a good beat for running. But three times in a row?!? I finished my last, slow mile with Limp Bizkit's "Break Stuff"....and by then, I felt like I was broken.

This morning wasn't a total let down, though. It was incredibly beautiful. Cool temps, bright blue skies, tall trees with leaves changing, the smell of fall, friendly runners and walkers on the trail. Also today was the first time I actually saw people riding horses on the trail. Usually I just maneuver around the piles of horse poo left behind on the trail. I also felt lucky to see a beautiful fox running along the trail. And an excessive amount of bunnies today, too.

Next Saturday I am running the Denver Rock and Roll Half Marathon with some wonderful friends from church. I'm very excited about it. I'd like to finish in 2:10. I'm hoping and praying that I don't have another day like today.

Fundraising for the John Ritter Foundation is coming along. I really hope to reach my goal of $3000 before November. I'm planning a Halloween party/fundraiser for adults and kids at my house on Oct. 20. If you are reading this, you are invited! Hopefully I'll be able to raise a lot of money that night. I still working on getting over my unease with asking people to their face to donate. I absolutely believe in the Foundation and its mission, so I'm working on getting braver. And I do believe that my friends want to support me and my goals. Many of my friends were there, supporting me and my family, when I had surgery and my recovery. I have great friends.

Even though this morning's run was a challenge, I'm still loving this journey!!

Observations on the trail

Today I ran 15 miles. It was hard. But I did it and I am still very confident that I will finish the marathon in a respectable time. I'm now running on the Highline Canal Trail just outside of Denver. This is a beautiful trail which winds through the wealthy neighborhoods in Cherry Hills and Greenwood Village...lots of horse estates and sprawling mansions. The first time I ran on the trail, I was very distracted looking at the beautiful homes and wondered what the people who live there do for a living. Now, I just run past them. They are starting to all look the same to me.

I love the people on the trail with me at 7 a.m. Die hard runners, old folks walking their dogs, the occasional biker and me. Everyone is very smiley and friendly. Ninety percent of the folks say "good morning" to me as I huff and puff past them. I enjoy this trail because it is gravel, so there are not many bikers on the trail. I've tried the paved Cherry Creek trail in the city and almost lost an ear and arm to the "Lance Armstrong" wannabes, flying through the city, trying to get that yellow jersey! I love, however, to see lots of people out, enjoying the beautiful mornings and getting some exercise.

This morning was actually the coldest morning I have experienced while running. I could have used gloves and knit hat for the first two miles. Finally, it warmed up just enough to be very comfortable running 15 miles. I imagine that NYC, in November, will be chilly before and during the start of the marathon. I read somewhere that a lot of people wear cheap sweat suits and gloves while waiting to start, then leave them in big heaps on Staten Island before the start of the race. Some folks come out to collect as much as they can to salvage for the homeless and second-hand stores before the sanitation workers show up to discard everything.

Today during mile 7 or so, I swear I ran by Troy Aikmen. He's got a unique look, so if it wasn't him, it was his long-lost twin. I'm not sure why he would be in Denver, running on the Highline Trail, though. Maybe he's here to cover the Bronco home opener tomorrow? Not sure. Maybe, I was hallucinating?!? If that was the case, I wish my brain would hallucinate someone else, perhaps a Hugh Jackman, or David Beckham? I did "see" Aikman during mile 7. This seems to be a tough mile for me lately. My neuroma on my right foot is screaming and my legs are sore. During this time I have to fight the urge to curl up into the fetal position in the middle of the trail and become road kill for the many runners, including various high school cross country teams, out training. After mile 8 or so, I'm much, much better and feeling energized and invincible.

Today I saw a funny shirt. It read SHUT UP LEGS. I must get one of those.

My body is sore

My body is sore but I'm very motivated. I am getting into my marathon training and running four times a week. Long runs on Saturday. I plan to run nine miles this Saturday. I'm still not sure how the body gets to 26.2 miles in one day! Five miles used to be a huge challenge for me, but now it is my "easy" run, so I guess it gets easier. (hahaha!!! Easier!?!?)

I am excited to be on Team Ritter for many reasons. The primary reason that I will talk about today is that I get to raise awareness of aortic aneurysm and dissection. I think awareness is the first step in saving lives from aortic dissection. Awareness for the person and for the first responders and ER doctors. I sometimes think about what would have happened if my aneurysm hadn't been diagnosed and began to dissect. What if I, a young, healthy, fit woman, presented at an ER with severe chest pains? I certainly don't fit the profile of someone with heart or aortic disease. Would the doctors consider aortic dissection? Would they think I was having a panic attack or maybe pulled a muscle while working out?

The Ritter Rules (johnritterfoundation.org/ritter-rules)
Ritter Rules are life-saving reminders to recognize, treat and prevent thoracic aortic dissection, a deadly tear in the large artery that carries blood away from the heart. Named for actor John Ritter, who died of a thoracic aortic dissection, Ritter Rules combine knowledge with action. Know the urgency, symptoms, who is most at-risk and which imaging tests are required to diagnose this medical emergency.
Did you know that the death rate for an aortic dissection increases one percent every hour the diagnosis and surgical repair are delayed? The Ritter Rules state that aortic dissection can mimic heart attack. Heart attacks are far more common than aortic dissection, but if a heart attack or other diagnosis is not clearly and quickly established, then aortic dissection should be quickly considered and ruled out. This is especially important if a patient has a family history of thoracic aortic aneurysm/dissection or features of a genetic syndrome that predisposes the patient to an aortic aneurysm or dissection.

In my case, I was born with a bicuspid aortic valve (two leaflets instead of the typical three). I didn't know that I had this condition until June 12, 2009. This is the date I received the diagnosis of bicuspid aortic valve along with the serious condition of an ascending aortic aneurysm of 5.2 cm. Two weeks later on June 26th, I had open chest surgery to repair the aorta.

Bicuspid aortic valve disease puts you at risk. If you have a bicuspid aortic valve, or have had a bicuspid aortic valve replaced, you need to be monitored for thoracic aortic disease. Only three types of imaging studies can identify aortic aneurysms and dissections: CT, MRI and transesophageal echocardiogram.

With all that said, I'm healthy and feeling well enough to train for the NY Marathon. I'm running in memory of all who have died of aortic dissection, including the beloved actor John Ritter. I'm running for myself. I have been given a wonderful gift. A gift of facing my mortality and looking at my little children and wondering what it would be like for them if I wasn't around. The gift of wondering what would have happened if I had died. The gift of imagining a different, stronger, better life for myself. I'm running for my family and friends who love me and are so happy that I'm alive and well. I'm running for myself. For my health, for my strong heart, for my strong legs and my healthy body.

My body is sore. But I get to live to feel the soreness, to feel myself push through that last mile of a training run. I'm excited and I'm motivated to see what the next days, weeks and months hold for me.
http://www.crowdrise.com/TeamRitterNYCMarathon2012/fundraiser/amyderksen

Amy's Marathon-Heart Blog

It's been a few years since I blogged. I figured that after my surgery and recovery, my life was back to normal. Who wants to read about normal? But, I have some exciting news. I have been selected to a team to run the NYC Marathon on Nov. 4, 2012. I'm going to be running with Team Ritter to raise funds and awareness for the John Ritter Foundation for Aortic Health (JRF). I have never run a marathon. My longest race was 10k. I am committed, though, to raising $3000 for the JRF, finishing the race in a respectable time, and getting back into training. The John Ritter Foundation for Aortic Health provides support for individuals and families affected by aortic disease, works to increase awareness of aortic disease among the general public and the medical professionals, and raises funds to support education and research. This new chapter of Amy's Heart Blog will chronicle my training, thoughts about training, and any other thing I feel like talking about.

Six weeks post op

I've been feeling lazy lately. It's been a few weeks since my last post. I don't really know what to write about. Physically, things are going well. I'm sleeping on my side without pain, I can pick up and hold my daughter, I am starting to exercise. Except for the itchy, long red scar on my chest, I feel pretty much like my old self.

Last week, I started cardiac rehab. I'm really motivated about it. Basically, I get to work out while hooked up to a heart monitor. It's the best way to ease back into that part of my old life. We're taking it slow, but I feel almost ready to resume normal workout activities. The doc and the rehab techs think I'll need 12 sessions before I can start going to the gym on my own. I'm working out three times a week for one hour. Last week, I worked out on the treadmill and then did some really easy weight lifting. Really easy!! I wear four sticky heart monitors connected to a box. The box goes into a purple fanny pack that I wear while I work out. My blood pressure is checked a few times and I'm asked frequently to rate my level of exertion. On my first day, I met a woman who was about my age. She was starting rehab that day as well. I didn't get a chance to get her story, yet, but I will. But mostly the people in rehab are much older. I have made friends with an elderly lady named Joan. She recently had quadruple bypass and had the same surgeon as I, Dr. Guber.

I met with Dr. Guber last week for a check-up. Normally, I would have only met with him that one time, about 3 weeks after surgery. But since I was readmitted to the hospital a few weeks ago, he wanted to see me again. My time with him lasted about two minutes! He asked how I was feeling, listened to my heart and then looked at my incision. I asked about the bump next to my incision, about one inch from the bottom. I was told by the nurse practitioner that it was the twisted wire that holds my breastbone together. She said that the wire would need to be cut out in an out-patient procedure. I was relieved when Dr. Guber said that it was actually a plastic-type stitch that will eventually dissolve in three or four months. But it's really stretching and pushing on the skin, causing the skin/bump to look white. Dr. Guber said that if it pokes through the skin, to come in and he will remove it. Really? I hope it doesn't poke through the skin!! It looks like it could, though. The skin is sensitive around the bump and I really only have one comfortable bra that doesn't irritate it.

I'm going to Vegas in about a week and a half with my two sisters. This trip was planned well before I knew of any heart issues. We planned to go to Vegas to relax by the pool, have many cocktails, gamble a bit and just check out the scene. The trip is in honor of Kate's upcoming wedding. Sort of a bachelorette party, but with just the three of us and probably no strippers! Soooo, I'm really rethinking the idea of wearing a bathing suit and lounging by the pool. First, my incision is pretty dark red right now and makeup does not do anything to cover it....and then I have the bump. And below my incision is the chest tube incision. That's an ugly one. Half moon shaped, deep, dark red. I also have an old appendectomy scar on my belly from way back in 9th grade. That's an ugly one, too. I tried on my bikini and I really look carved and beaten up. I'm not feeling very confident. On a few occasions recently when I have worn v-necks and the scar is visible, I have noticed a few curious stares and glances. Maybe I will go buy a new one-piece swimsuit. I know the redness of the scar will go away eventually. (Hopefully before Kate's wedding in October!!)

I know I'll get some grief for saying this, but I'm really ready for summer to be over. It's been kind of a bust this year. Well, more than "kind of." I'm just ready for a change. Call me crazy, but I'm sick of the heat and sunscreen and shorts and tank tops and flip flops and trying to keep my feet nice looking. I want to cover up under a big comfy sweater with a pair of well-worn jeans.